The truth about 2009 pg.1

Do you want to know the truth about 2009?

Im staring from the corridor, through the door into my new room, at the box spilled out with clothes and books, perhaps subconciosuly thinking of the ugly green rug I really cant see. The ugly green rug I cant see... Hm, I had an ugly green rug in Leeds too...

My flatmate catches my distracted eyes, follows my line of sight and sees the mess. I'm conscious quickly and guiltily explain, "Oh, Im just still unpacking from Leeds."

She says, "Oh. You went to Leeds this weekend again?"

Now, now, a sincere and curious question... So, I say, "Yes," yet thinking, "No you idiot I havent time to unpack all week..."

Yet thinking, quietly now... biting the nails of my shaking thoughts... "And well, Im scared if I unpack now, I finally would have left those memories of Leeds behind."

And that... "Im angry that I failed to... Leeds. Live it. Love it." I say then, "Yeah, I went to Leeds again... So much stuff I have to get out of there." and smile.

You know, I dont know why I smile that painful practiced smile. It kills me. My eyes sting with tears I refuse to let roll down.

I smile. Yet thinking, "So much stuff I keep leaving there. Ah. My excuse to go back for another weekend. Breathe 'Leeds' air." Shes left me now, "Yeah I went to Leeds again." I sigh.

Do you want to know the truth about 2009?

Caffeine

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